Old Panda
by Permanent Rose
Summary: Old Panda has meant something different and special to each child of the Casson Family. Takes place after Caddy's World


Old Panda had been in the family for a long while.

"Ages and ages," Saffron would say, chewing thoughtfully on a blonde curl, as if trying to remember just when the "ages" had begun.

Old Panda was like many of the other items piling up in the Casson home. Accumulated junk, Bill called it. Rose, at three, had deemed them treasures, now big enough to get herself tangled in the mischief that the cluttered Banana house offered. Every item had a story-which was why Saffron screamed when Bill would bulldoze the piles into rubbish bins, and Indigo would calmly explain that it was not just a holey sock but a flag of surrender when playing war with the multiplying guinea pigs in the back garden.

Old Panda had been added to the family on Caddy's fourth birthday. Caddy only remembered that it was her fourth because her mother had never been quite so good at parties and planning so it had been the one that didn't included sloppy cakes and squashed tubes of paint hurriedly, but thoughtfully, placed into gift bags. But Bill had been around more often when it was just Caddy and the Banana house was not quite so dilapidated and the garden not so overgrown and one child is very different than four to be working with underfoot, explained Bill to a sniffly Rose every time her big blue eyes would well up as he left once again.

Caddy remembered her pink dress and white shoes mostly, white as the thick paint from the fat tube that her mother used in her garden-shed studio. The lawn was trimmed and colors and excitement swelled around little Caddy, overwhelming her greatly.

Her Aunt Linda had been there. "Saffy's mummy," Indigo would point out now what Caddy had always known but had not been acknowledged until only recently with tears and feelings of betrayal. Aunt Linda's belly was quite large and swollen with what Caddy now knew was Saffron but then only knew it as the barrier that made it hard for her to crawl into her aunt's lap.

Old Panda had been a gift from Aunt Linda, known only as Panda back in his glory days. As the afternoon gave way into dusk and the sky became dotted with stars, Caddy fell asleep amongst the pile of torn wrapping paper and the soft murmurs of adults, Old Panda pressed up on her chest.

XXX

"Old Panda is mine!" Saffron proclaimed only one week after she had invaded Caddy's room. A can of toys and small trinkets had been all that Grandad had delivered Saffron with, and Eve had gone up to the attic to rummage for Caddy's old jumpers and blouses. Bill, who had made the trek home for the arrival of Saffron, had said the attic was much too musty and bad for his developing cold. (But really because the attic was the only place he never bothered to clear out-much too daunting for even Bill. The attic was always left to Eve).

Indigo, at one, was much too little to worry much about the little blonde girl who cried for her mummy through the first few nights, and Caddy, aged seven, sensed the fragility of the situation and did not ask questions about the new occupant who now slept in her bed.

Saffron had adjusted quickly, though, fitting nicely into Caddy's old clothes and adopting her mother's twin as her own mother startlingly fast.

"No, he's mine," Caddy muttered, reaching for her panda, who was not quite white and not at all soft anymore, as Saffy bounced energetically on the bed. "And he isn't old."

"_My_ panda," Saffron insisted, plopping down the on the comforter with a thud. She kissed his worn nose affectionately. Caddy looked at her crossly, only to receive a pitiful look from Saffy's big eyes. "Please, Caddy?" This time her voice was not so demanding; rather, it was a soft whisper and Caddy could see tears welling in the corner of her eyes.

And partially because Caddy had the biggest heart of anyone (except possibly Eve) and partially because she could not bear the idea of Saffron beginning her sniveling again (and another part, though quite unconscious on Caddy's part, gave Saffron the last piece of her mother that she could) Caddy relented, and Old Panda became Saffron's.

XXX

Old Panda was forgotten after a while and became part of the growing masses, migrating from pile to pile. It was Indigo who found him one grey winter morning.

The house was empty, though everyone was accounted for. Bill-London studio, as usual. Caddy-play date with Alison, Ruby, and Beth. Saffron-dragged (with much screaming) to Saturday swim lessons. And Eve-hidden in her shed until it was time to fetch Saffron.

Indigo, at only four, was already quite independent. He was keen and observant; he knew how to get his cereal by himself and could even warm his own beans on the stove if he had a tall enough chair. Though Saffron was his best friend (and furthermore, his designated partner in crime), Indigo was content to roam the house on his own, becoming lost in a world where the mounds of forgotten items became mountains or an ocean or an enchanted forest.

Today they were mountains (Bill had not been home for some time so the stacks were growing considerably). Indigo hiked up and down from valley to summit, occasionally pocketing a rare find-a watch, a small plastic car, an envelop in which Indigo had discovered three large teeth, pulled out roots and all (startling yet fascinating). He was on the upstairs balcony when he found Old Panda.

Saffron had snatched him away almost immediately upon returning home from swim lessons, hugging him up tightly against her as she proclaimed her love for the toy she had abandoned. And sure enough, only hours later, Indigo found him under the kitchen table, smelling slightly of chlorine.

Old Panda became Indigo's companion on his once solitary journeys, only to have his head nearly severed by a twisted clothes hanger poking out from a pile of old sweater when the pair had been fleeing from a band of rowdy pirates.

Old Panda was not forgotten, but he was not quite so loved in his fragile state any longer. Scratched plastic eyes, matted browning fur, and a head the drooped pitifully as he sat patiently atop a box near the fridge.

XXX

Old Panda did not look so old after Bill had mended and washed him.

Caddy was the one to find him again, peeking out from a corner of wilting flowers that had been sent ages ago when Rose had not been quite so permanent. Caddy smiled down at the bear as she picked him up, dusting a few crumpling petals off his head. A flash of pink and white assaulted Caddy's memory but it was gone before she could place it.

"We should give it to the firework baby," stated Indigo, startling Caddy because he had a habit of appearing out of nowhere.

"Rose," corrected Caddy, finally at ease with addressing her by her name, because everyday that she was home she began to feel more and more permanent.

Rose, just barely two months, was still extremely tiny, but she had a look of life that she had lacked when she had been attached to so many tubes and wires. She had a bubbly smile and a mischievous look in her blue eyes that lit up especially when Indigo was around.

She was in her swing in the parlor, Eve napping peacefully on the couch beside her. Eve snored contently, and Caddy handed Old Panda to her little brother, letting him do the honors.

"Old Panda is very special," Indigo explained, placing the bear beside a gurgling Rose. "To all of us," he added. "And now its your turn."

Rose's tiny hand reached for the bear, yanking it toward her, because she was very strong for being so very small indeed.

XXX

Old Panda's head was nearly off again, but that was on account of Rose's sharp and eager teeth.

"Is there anything she won't put in her mouth?" an exasperated Bill asked, yanking a rusty butter knife away from Rose's grasp just in time.

Rose shrieked. "Daddy, daddy give it back!" But he didn't and Bill did not escape before earning a few teeth marks on his arm as well.

Caddy, aged fifteen, (and on boyfriend number four) entered the kitchen just then, back from the cinema looking quite smiley.

"Did you have nice time?" asked Indigo dutifully, aged nine and master cook, placing a pan of fried chicken on the table.

"Did he snog you?" Saffron butted in, eyes flashing as Caddy groaned.

"What's this one called again?" asked Rose, dragging Old Panda across the (rarely) immaculate kitchen floor.

"Milton," answered Caddy. Saffron snorted. Indigo set the plates and Rose wiggled her way into Caddy's lap.

"Yuck, that's not a proper named," stated Rose plainly, fitting Old Panda into her own lap.

"Well, our names are hardly proper," defended Caddy, a bit indignant.

"Well, did he snog you?" Saffron persisted.

Caddy blushed. "A bit. And it was very nice but also a bit wet," she added, anticipating Saffron's next question.

Bill entered again shortly, a bit suspicious of Indigo's cooking as usual but he soon settled down in his seat and took a plate. Even Eve emerged from her shed, and the conversation of snogging and poorly named boys was soon forgotten as they filled their mouths.

"Indy," asked Rose, wiping her greasy fingers against the bear's fur. "Tell me again about when you and Saffy buried Old Panda in the garden."

"Well," began Indigo, wiping his mouth on his hand before Bill could pass him a napkin. "You were just a baby-but even just barely because of all the tubes and wires-"

"Because I had a hole in my heart," Rose interrupted, a bit proud of this fact.

Caddy smiled as Indigo continued the tale, remembering that fateful autumn where she was quite certain she wouldn't survive her rapidly changing life as the genie spun the world on his finger. But it had somehow brought them all here, and she hugged Rose a little tighter against her, and for a moment she could've sworn she saw Old Panda's eyes twinkle.**  
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